Truth Number Seven:

You Will Experience Revelation

Have you ever been in a Spirit-filled meeting where the glory of God entered the room and you were overcome with His presence and fell out on the floor in the Spirit? You lay there quiet and still and you begin to receive revelation from the Lord.  That is what is can be like when you are dead to your flesh.  You are comfortable in the presence of God.  You are filled with the high praises of God and the adoration that flows through worship and He is glad to send His glory wherever you are.  It does not have to be a church building experience.  He is everywhere.  The anointing can follow you around because you are not in the way.  Where the glory of the Lord is, there is revelation, “and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17).

In 1993, I was struggling with a decision I needed to make and the Lord shut my spiritual eyes and made me walk by my spiritual senses for months.  It is probably the hardest time I have had yet because the physical struggle was not as hard as the spiritual stretch.  I desperately wanted out of my circumstances.  I wanted to walk by faith and claim yet another miracle.  I was really into these miracles now.  But this time, I was not going to get my way and somehow I knew that and could not understand why.  I was not asking for something outside of His Word.  I just wanted more children.  You know, “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them” (Psalm 127:5).  Accepting these circumstances was killing me emotionally.  I would look to many people for counsel as to what I should do.  The odds were very stacked against me.  The risks I would take were deadly.  But, hey God is the sustainer of life.  I knew that.  To concede to what was the inevitable, I would forever give up the chance to bring more children into this world.  I was well accustomed to miracles and my faith was strong but somehow I felt like I was coming up against God and I did not understand how.

It was like being on trial.  I was my own attorney.  I was defending myself to the Lord.  I was reminding Him of His own Word.  I would plead with Him about why David and I should not have our heart’s desires.  During those silent months, it was like waiting for a jury who would decide my fate.  I had no say in the matter.  Finally, in September of that year once the verdict was in and I accepted the fact that I had lost the case, I went ahead and scheduled surgery for a hysterectomy.  I prayed about the time to do it and the Lord directed me to November.  So I scheduled it for November 4^th.

My heart was broken.  I grieved over the children I would never see.  Then, the closer the surgery came, actually within six days I had a strong sense that I was going to die again.  This knowing had come to me right before they induced my labor with Abbey.  At that time I tried to explain what I was feeling in my spirit, but no one would listen because nothing had been seen to prove what I felt.  So this time, I told no one.

I purchased two pear trees, one-hundred flower bulbs and a bird bath.  I went home and carved out a large clover-leaf shape in my front yard.  I planted those trees on either end and planted the flowers, then set the bird bath in the middle.  I thought, “Well, next spring when I am gone and these trees and flowers bud, they will have fond memories of me.”  I did not understand why I was going to die.  I had wrestled with the Lord so hard for my blessing.

The day of my surgery came.  I kissed my child goodbye and left her with my mother-in-law.  My family accompanied me to the hospital.  We spent a few hours together waiting for surgery.  When they took me into pre-op, they could hardly find a vein to put in my I.V.  We found out later that I was already in shock by that time.  They took me into surgery and opened me up to find that I had been bleeding internally for what they determined to be about five to six days.  After searching all over, they finally found that my right ovary had enlarged beyond the size of my uterus and had burst.  They took out my uterus and my right ovary.

When I was in recovery, I heard my doctor ask my family why they had not told him that I had been weak or in pain.  They told him all the work I had done that week and that I had not mentioned any weakness or pain.

Through all my struggle that year, I had received a life-saving revelation.  God has since ministered to me about having one child and I am at peace with it.  His ways are higher than mine (Isaiah 55:9).  I couldn’t see then what He was planning for us down the road and it wasn’t time for us to know.

After surgery, my mother-in-law ministered to me.  She said that this experience was my “Peniel” (Genesis 32).  She said, “Honey, you wrestled with the Lord, and now you’ll never be the same again.”  She was right.  Through it all, The Lord ministered to me so much.  I was convinced for the rest of my life I would have to trust Him and depend on Him.  I have learned how to trust His Sovereignty.

He could have healed me and if it had been His will I could have bore many more children.  But He had a higher plan and He confirmed His decision by having me in that surgical suite for more than one reason that day.  It was to once again save my life and bring Him glory!

God works in mysterious ways.  Our job is to trust Him and the revelations about our life that He gives.  And when we get to heaven, then we will know even as we are fully known (1 Corinthians 13:12).