NO DARKNESS AT ALL

"God is light; in him there is no darkness at all" (1 John 1:5b).

It was early fall, around 2006. I was invited to go to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee with my friend Michelle, most of the members of a small group I was leading, and the Esther Project girls (women enrolled in our residential drug and alcohol rehab program).  They were taking a mini-vacation and invited us to go along.  David and I had planned a trip shortly thereafter to a healing conference to have his vision prayed over and I had committed to a 50 day fast leading up to that trip.  I thought at first to bow out of the trip to the mountains with the girls, but the Lord told me to go and enjoy the days, give Him the evenings, and call David each night to pray for him over the phone.

So my daughter and I packed and headed off to Pigeon Forge. We were staying in a three story cabin a short drive out of town. It was absolutely breathtaking scenery. Mine and Abbey's room was on the top floor to the back of the cabin. We had a balcony off of our room that faced a gorge in the woods. It looked like the Abyss. At night, when you turned the lights out, if there were no lights on downstairs on the back porch, our room was pitch black.  You couldn't see a thing.

One evening, I went up to my room while everyone else was in the basement having fun.  I was trying to focus and worship, but I couldn't because I could hear the girls downstairs having so much fun.   But God had the best distraction planned for me!  Suddenly I the Holy Spirit impress me to turn the lamp off.  I was like, "Lord, it will be pitch dark in here!" The worship music I was playing was a bit mystical sounding so it suddenly seemed a little creepy to be in the dark.  Nevertheless, I got up and cut off the lamp.  There was no light coming under the bedroom door and the girls had the back porch lights off so the gorge was pitch black.  I actually had to feel my way to a rocking chair. I sat down and pulled a blanket over me for a sense of security. I just sat quietly...waiting.   I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face.  The Lord said, “Look right in front of you.”  Suddenly, a ball of light began to form right in front of me. It even lit up the room a bit. It was blue, orange, yellow, and red and looked like a ball of smoke. It was like having my own little Shekinah night light. Then it faded away.  The Lord said, "Did you know that darkness does not exist? It is merely an absence of light. In Me, there is absolutely no darkness at all. As long as I am with you, you will never be in the dark.  I will never leave you and I will never forsake you." It was a beautiful, life-changing experience.  Thinking back to that evening, and in light of praying for David’s blindness and his impending healing; it is even more meaningful since David’s disease blocks out the light from his eyes.

I was so thankful for such a special evening. During God’s little illustration, I had lost track of the sounds of the house, but as I turned the light back on, I began to once again hear the sounds of the girls laughing and having a great time. I didn't mind.  I smiled and prayed for them, thanking the Lord for making the time I had chosen to spend with Him so special.

When you serve the Lord with a whole-hearted devotion and acknowledge Him in your life, He will not disappoint you. How great is the God we serve, Who would send His own Son to die for us, Who would send the Holy Spirit to live in us and empower us, and Who will never leave us alone, even in what seems to be dark times. He is awesome and I'm proud to call him Papa.

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life" (John 8:12).

SOMEONE'S WATCHING OVER ME

“From six calamities he will rescue you; in seven no harm will touch you” (Job 5:19).

When God spares your life, you never want to take it for granted.  Many of you have already read about many of my experiences with the “7^th” trouble, but few  people,  know the particular details of this story that happened in September of 2009.

I was scheduled to go to a new doctor in Nashville.  I had been looking into some non-surgical procedures for a health condition and we had not carrying health insurance for a while by that time. I negotiated a deal with the doctor’s office for a cash payment so I needed to take my checkbook for the appointment.

I remember early in the day, as I was preparing to leave, that I picked up my checkbook to make sure I had transferred the money into the account to cover my first visit.  Looking back, I remember how I checked the amount, closed the checkbook and said out loud to myself, “I need to remember to take this with me.”  But instead of putting it in my pocketbook, I placed it on the shelf of my desk.  It did not even dawn on me at that moment that I had just done completely opposite of what I needed to do.  I never gave it another thought.

Shortly thereafter, I left home to take 840 to I-24 and on to Nashville.  I was listening to the radio, just singing and trying not to be anxious about my procedure.  As I was approaching the Almaville Road exit, I had a sudden strong impression to rummage through my pocketbook.  As I did, I realized that I did not have my checkbook with me!  I kept driving, while taking each item out of my pocketbook to make double sure I did not have it.  Indeed, I remembered leaving it at home on the desk. Instantly, and without a second thought, I crossed three lanes of traffic to get off the Almaville exit.  Even as I was making the exit, I wondered why I could not just go on to the appointment, tell them what a stupid thing I did and just mail them a check.  “Why am I doing this, I thought?”  After all, I was now going to be very late for my appointment.  But I still felt very compelled to go back home.

Figuring now that my actions might possibly be inspired, as I neared the end of the exit and stopped at the traffic light, I said out loud, “Lord, are you doing this?  Are you turning me around for a reason?”  Strangely, I felt a peace and experienced no more frustration over the whole matter.  I called the doctor’s office and let them know that I had left my checkbook at home and was going to get it before I came and that I would be about 45 minutes late.  The receptionist, a very nice woman, just laughed and said she’d see me when I got there.

I called home and told my daughter I was coming back and to meet me in the driveway with my checkbook.  She did and I turned around and was on my way back to 840 and I-24 again.  However, when I got to I-24, traffic was backed up as far as the entrance ramp. I thought, “Hmmm. What have we here?”  I could not see anything except but traffic, so I just crept along with the other 4 lanes.  For a long time, we were at such a standstill that we were actually getting out of our cars on the interstate and talking to one another.  It was blazing hot too.   “Anybody know what’s going on?”  “No, I can’t see anything up ahead.”  All four lanes of traffic were closed off.

Very slowly, after what seemed like forever, we started creeping along mile after mile. I called the doctor’s office to say that I was now stuck in traffic and that I did not have any idea how late I would be and that I just hoped I could make it by the last appointment of the day.  I promised her I was not trying to chicken out.  She just laughed again, told me to be careful, and that they would wait on me.

Pretty soon, I got back to the Almaville exit where I had the “suddenly” pulled off.  As we all made our way about a mile passed the exit, everyone was being flagged to get into single file on the right shoulder of the road to pass this terrible wreck that had taken up all 4 lanes and the left shoulder.  As we crept along and slowly passed the scene, I could see rescue workers, fire truck workers, and hazardous materials workers cleaning up after what was mostly gone now.  All that was left of the wreck by the time I saw it was a lot of debris and one very flat car on the back of a flatbed tow truck.  “Could that have been me Lord?”  I prayed for the injured and families of those who may have lost their lives that day.

As I finally drove on, I reflected on where the wreck was, how long it took me to get back home to pick up the checkbook, how far the traffic was backed up, and how long it took me to get back to that spot.  It became apparent to me that I actually could have been in that wreck had I not pulled off when I did.  I nervously said, “So this is why you got me off the interstate!  I turned off the radio and drove the rest of the way in silence.  Thankfully, the rest of the trip was uneventful.

I got to the office and went in for my appointment.  As it turned out, the doctor and her assistant were both believers.  We had a great time sharing our faith with one another.  They were both full of the joy of the Lord.  We shared how God had worked miraculously in each of our lives and how grateful we were for our relationship with Him. The procedure was not so pleasant, but the fellowship and connection we made that day was very encouraging.

The doctor stepped out of the exam room while I got ready to leave.  As I stepped out into the hall to go to the lobby to pay for my visit, the doctor met me in the hallway and said, “Monica, the Lord just told me that I am not to charge you today.”  I said, “Well ain’t that a blessing!”  She laughed with me for a moment and then said, “But He probably won’t say that next week!”  We laughed some more, but then it dawned on me that I DIDN’T EVEN NEED MY CHECKBOOK!  God knew all along that He was going to speak to that doctor about not charging me.  He also knew she was going to listen and obey Him.  That just confirmed even further that He spared me from that terrible accident and He began working before I ever left the house.

Unseen things are going on all around us every day.  The Kingdom of darkness is carrying out hell’s plans to kill, steal, and destroy.  Angels are fighting on our behalf, speaking messages from God to us, leading us this way or that; doing the ministry they were commissioned to carry out on behalf of the heirs of salvation (Hebrews 1:13-14).  Sometimes they will steer us clear of trouble.  Sometimes they, along with Jesus, will meet us at the threshold of eternity.  Some of us will come back.  Others of us will go home.  Of all the reasons why, God alone knows.

With our eyes so much on natural things, how much are we missing? How many times have we been spared that we never knew about?  I have had my share of close calls that took me to the edge of eternity and back.  I have always been very grateful for the Lord’s healing power in my life, bringing me back from the point of death.  But I am also very grateful for the times, known and unknown that He steered me clear of harm’s way like that day.

Thanks again Lord.  It’s good to know that You are protecting me in this life AND that You will meet me when this life is over.

Miracles are happening around us every day.   So take a moment every day and thank God for the ones you did not notice but happened all the same.  Always remember, someone is watching over you.  For the Lord is good, and His mercy and love endure forever! (Psalm 100:5).

BORED WITH THE BASICS?

I love to read.  I have a fairly large library of books.  I was tested on an entrance exam to Nursing School a few years ago and was found to be only one of a few students who was a 100% “self-learner”.  Give me an instruction manual or an educational book and I can do just about anything – so they say.   Today, I love to learn and I do it best by reading and then through practice.  I read something a few times, highlighting it and making notes on it, and then I re-read as much as necessary to make sure I understand it and can further put it into practice at least to a degree before I move on.   Then, if I can create a tool to help others learn about it, that is what I do next.  This is the way God wired me.  But before you think of me as boastful, you must know that it is not something I have done all my life, not even most of my life.  I had to settle down and grow into it because I was much too desperate and not very patient!  I find this ability to be just one more part of the testimony of God’s grace in my life.  

I was not a very good student in the latter part of elementary or secondary school.  I had two brain surgeries before 5^th grade and no one ever pushed me academically or physically after that year.  I guess they were afraid I’d spontaneously combust!  I guess that no one, at least in the hospitals I was admitted to, had ever survived the type of accident and resulting injuries I had experienced.  My initial prognosis was death and if not death, then to be a vegetable for the rest of my life.  But even after the miracle occurred and I went back to school, very few in the school system wanted the liability of something bad happening to me.  My family had no idea what to believe or trust after what they had been through.  Miracle aside, they had been through a very traumatic experience with my accident.  I cannot really blame anyone because I know that the doctors, the school, and my family did not want to take what they believed were unnecessary risks.  But my perceived disability outweighed my desire to grow.   It was a heaviness that stunted self-motivation (which was what, in light of the fear in those around me, was crucial for me to excel).  In fact, I almost never made grades above a “C”.  The only time I did make a better grade was in my last two years of High School in subjects that I really loved, which involved Science and English.  I finally met two teachers who saw more in me than I saw in myself.  But even when I took my exit exams, I scored very poorly.

There was a season, however, that lasted well up into my 30’s, where I found myself too eager to know more.  I was driven by the fear of failure.  I was desperate to rid myself of that feeling of being "stupid." I ran from experience to experience and subject to subject too quickly to master anything.  This only increased my frustration.  I grew easily and quickly bored with what was in my hand before it had a chance to come to maturity and actually work much change in my life.  God would show me something to read and immediately I would think of someone else who needed to read it and give it away.  Or I'd take good notes just to file them away so I could take more notes.  God kept saying things to my heart like, "Enter into My rest" and "Trust Me with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding..."  I would say, "What?"  I have sense learned that I am the vessel, and HE is the treasure...I get to rest in Who HE is.  Then I allow Him to flow through me.  Then I obey out of trust, but He supplies the knowledge and power to accomplish the task.  When we trust, we relax.  It is in that quiet trust that we learn what "My yoke is easy" means.  I had to learn this the hard way. In fact, God used many long road with dead ends to wear me down enough to stop, focus, and draw some meaningful conclusions.   But even that much revelation I credit to Him - for He is the only One Who could choose me, save me, change me, liberate me from a life ravaged by heartache and sin ad make into something that no one, including myself, would have ever dreamed!

Looking back, I have memories of myself and others who could not wait for the next good Bible study or good book that came out on a particular subject.   Being hungry for more is not a problem.  In fact, hunger is a good thing.  It will keep propelling you forward instead of allowing you to become stagnant.  But in everything, there is balance.  Some of us were so driven for another sermon, another class, another book, another conference, but we skipped taking the time to practice what we learned.   You cannot build more upon what is not stable.  Why is that a problem?

My Daddy was a builder for many years.  He taught me that if you do not have a strong foundation upon which to build a house, it will develop cracks and other structural flaws that eventually compromise its stability.  In the same way, we do this by not allowing one truth to be set in our hearts in such a way that it becomes a habit or practice before we move on to another.  We get so impatient and easily bored with something that we do not allow it to become a part of our beliefs.  If something is not a part of your beliefs, your behavior will reflect it.  When your beliefs change, so does your behavior.  That is why behavior modification works to an extent, but it happens from the outside – in; not from the inside – out.  It may be something you do for a good sprint, but it will not necessarily become a part of your life’s marathon.  Pretty soon, you’ll find it too hard to keep up.

King David said in Psalm 139:23-24, “Search me O God, know my heart.”  He was asking God to look into the seat of his beliefs.  He went on to say, “Try me and know my thoughts.”  Why? because what you believe will determine how you think.  He further asked, “See if there be any wicked [or darkened] way in me.”  Why? Because our thought life effects our emotional state of being. Whether or not we accept or reject a particular thought will cause our bodies to go into a particular emotional state.  Then he ended with, “And lead me in the way everlasting.”  Why? Because King David understood that his beliefs were ultimately in control of his conduct.  It makes perfect sense when you think about the expectations we have in those who call themselves, “Believers”; to act differently than the world - doesn’t it?  Why?  Because if you have “believed” in the Lord’s ability to save you and then the Word’s ability to change you by renewing your mind, then your behavior also changes.  You become more at peace, more mature, more stable, more free.  You begin to live with nothing to prove and nothing to hide.  You begin to walk in increasing integrity and more grace.  It just makes good sense – change your beliefs and your behavior will be a fruit, not a task.

So the question is this:  How well are you practicing the basics and furthermore what else you have already learned?  Have you become bored with the elementary teachings of the Word without being able to live them every day?  Are you running after the deep things of God, which are wonderful, exciting, and worth running after; but still unable to get over an offense, to communicate or conflict well with your spouse, to break a secret addiction?  Are you running from conference to conference but unable to find the time to read your Bible in a devotional way?  

The Apostle Paul gave us a great piece of advice in Philippians 3:16 when he said, “Only let us live up to what we have already attained.”  It’s great to learn new things and have great experiences with the Lord, but before we move on to the next new study or experience, let us put it into practice with consistency.  If we don’t, what good is it?  I have been in the Pentecostal-Charismatic movement all of my life and it has not been unusual for me to see someone “slain in the spirit” (falls on the floor under the power of the Holy Spirit) at an altar service when someone who is anointed lays hands on them.  And that’s fine.  I have had it happen to me on numerous occasions.  But I like to say that it is not about falling down.  It is about how different you are or are not when you get up!  If you are just doing something for the experience alone, which is more like a “courtesy drop”, then what good is falling down?  If the Spirit of God puts you there, let Him actually do something once you are down there so that when you get back up, something is different – whether it is a physical or emotional healing (which I have experienced on numerous occasions), a new sense of conviction to forgive someone or give up a habitual sin;  or just to be humble and open to God’s help instead of being so independent and prideful.  There is such purpose in the things God does for us.  It is never for a show or for the experience’s sake alone.

It is a good thing to evaluate your heart and mind now and then.  We all need to check ourselves from time to time.  We all need to regularly ask ourselves, “Am I doing the basics well?  Is it time to take a few steps back and revisit the foundational things.”  Instead of continuing to be 100 miles wide and a few inches deep, perhaps we could venture deeper in experience with the disciplines of our walk with Christ.  Then, instead of just emphasizing the need for more sermons, books, or teachings; perhaps we could seek out the opportunity to give away some of what we have already attained - perhaps make 12 or more disciples like ourselves?  (Would you be worth duplicating in your level of obedience to God’s Word at this season in your life?)  Many are saved, but how many walk in obedience or disciple others out of love and gratitude for the Lord’s sacrifice?  Many churches offer lots of sermons and teaching but do not effectively make disciples or train others to make disciples.  If you have not had this incredible opportunity to become discipled, find a place where you can or pray for someone who can walk alongside you – to be like Paul was to Timothy.  Then, once you are discipled and you are putting your faith into practice -  then pass it on.   It is one of the greatest blessings in life.

 

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my [biological and spiritual] children are walking in the truth” (3 John 1:4 – Emphasis mine).

Both Matthew and Mark recorded the Great Commission given by Jesus.  If you put both of their words together, it reads...

“He said to them, ‘Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation.  Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.  And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues;  they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, and they will get well.’ (Mark 16:15-18)…‘Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,  and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age’” (Matthew 28:19-20).

Become a disciple and then make disciples.  God has made available all the power you need.

“And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others” (2 Timothy 2:2).

Truth Number Nine:

We Grow Spiritually

In every hard circumstance of life, we should grow.  But, so many times the things we suffer seem to make us bitter instead of better.  This is not the Lord’s will.  The Lord has so mercifully kept His hand over my life.  When I counsel people today, I see all kinds of  bondage that has been formed in their beliefs - many times with the help of circumstances out of their control.  I know that in the experiences of my own life, God had me protected in the palm of His mighty hand.  That is not to say that I have never needed deliverance or healing for myself.  I have needed much healing over the years from the assaults of the enemy - the assault on my mind as well as the assaults of people coming in and out of my life.   Sometimes, it was a result of my own sin, walking in some places that I should not have.  As a result, I needed to repent before I could be set free from the resulting strongholds.   But He has been faithful to deliver me as I have enjoyed His presence, particularly the last 17 years.  In all my life's experiences, particularly those  involving near-death, He took away the sting, gave me understanding (as I patiently continued to seek after it) and helped me grow in character and maturity.

I think back to when I was eight and I had just returned from California, moving back home to Virginia.  I came back to the same town, the same school and the same friends.   We even bought a house just miles from where we had lived before.  I left Virginia as a pretty little girl with long brown hair.  I came back as a bald-headed child (because I refused to wear a wig) who looked terminally ill.  Not to mention the fact that I had no skull on the right side and I had to wear a crash helmet to school and almost everywhere.  (The right side of my skull was crushed beyond repair in the accident.  Head trauma produces a lot of brain swelling.  Plates cannot be placed in the head until the swelling goes down - hence the year without a skull or a plate).  I also had to have a bodyguard at school.  I lost my identity as I became known as the “the girl who got kicked.”  My mother was afraid to let me out of the house during the day.  I was a latch key kid and I couldn’t even go out and sit on the porch (even though I did sometimes).  But even through losing my identity and suffering rejection, the Lord BEGAN teaching me about how my identity was in Him.  I cannot tell you how He did it.  I just know He did.  Those circumstances pushed me closer to Him.  I was alone for so many hours, many times He the only One with whom I had conversation.  When my mom would finally get home and I could go outside, I would put on my helmet, jump on my bike and down the road I would fly.  I felt safe in the Father’s hand - probably due to how close He seemed to me.  Even though our church taught more about what we could not do than what we were supposed to be, through His nearness, God was training me up throughout those years.  By the time I was in High School, I was very solid in my stand for Christ.  Not popular at all, but the one to whom kids came when they were in trouble.

I could go on with story after story about what each experience did to help me grow spiritually.  I probably do not even fully realize all of what God has done to this day.  It really does not matter if I ever know until eternity. What I do know blows my mind already.  It is enough to know His hand has been on my life since birth.  With tears of joy, I can pray His Word in Ephesians 2:10 about my life:

For I am God’s workmanship [formed in the secret place and fashioned over time by the Potter’s hand], created IN CHRIST JESUS to do good works [and a specific work] which He prepared in advance for me [and has trained me all the days of my life] to do [in Him to the glory of God, my Father.]”

Truth Number Eight:

He Trains Our Hands for Battle

When we are dead to our flesh, we are better equipped to wage spiritual warfare. 

In 1997, two weeks after I received the revelation from God about why He allowed me to experience death so many times, I got extremely sick.  I found myself in the bathroom, standing in the dark with Abbey clinging to my leg.  I began to cry out to the Lord.  I said, “What on earth have I done?  I was on the mountain and I feel like I have fallen off a cliff! When did it happen?  How did it happen?  The Lord very clearly spoke to me and said, “You have taken Jericho.  I left giants in the land to teach my young men to make war.  Now face your giant and fight until you win” (Judges 3:1-2). I was not a happy camper, but I knew I had no choice.  God had lifted His hand and the same spirit of death that I had seen in my dreams was pursuing me again.

For six weeks, I cried out in prayer, standing on the Word of God.  I praised the Lord and I worshipped the Lord.  I barely had a voice, but I squeaked and cried day after day.  I would stay up all night long praying just knowing that with the dawn would come my victory only to find another day of battle.

The first week, I went to the Emergency Room at 2:00 a.m. with chest pains.  They couldn’t find anything wrong with me.  I went in days later and I had pneumonia.  Then before I could get over that I had the Asian flu and on and on it went.  I would sleep when I could and pray when I could not.  I would read my Bible and listen to the Word on tape.  During the day, I would put in worship tapes and just sing my heart out before the Lord.  I had to call friends over in the middle of the day and get David up in the middle of the night to speak the Word over me because I felt like I was going down and could not pick myself back up.

My sweet Abbey just played every day so well.  I know she has pondered all these things in her heart.  She knows what it is like to war, to pray through, to worship and to experience victory.  She has seen the hand of the enemy, and the mighty hand of God come and defeat the enemy over and over and over again.

Finally, the night before I was healed, a friend was praying for me.  The Lord opened her spiritual eyes and she saw the spirit of death.  But the Lord showed her that he was there by legal right and he was not budging yet.  About 2:00 a.m., the Lord awakened me and said, “Have you had enough?”  I was so glad to hear that.  I told Him, “YES!”  He told me what I had to do.  But what He said did not indicate that He was going to heal my problem.  He told me to do something that through obedience for the rest of my life would keep me free from the problem.  I asked Him why He would not just heal me.  His response was similar to what He told Paul when He said, “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9).  He assured me that a complete healing would not benefit me as much.  He told me to contact a woman and to do whatever she said.  I had never met her or heard of her.  The next day I found out who she was through a friend and made an appointment to meet her.   She was a nutritionist and health educator. Her services were $125.00 (which I did not have) but I booked the appointment anyway, hung up the phone and said, “OK Lord, I need some money.”  Two hours later I received a phone call where my Emergency Room physician that I saw for my chest pain had decided not to charge me and was returning the check I had already sent for my bill.  The check was for $125.00.

After that appointment, my diet and my lifestyle changed drastically!  I lived a fasted lifestyle for the next seven years!  How ironic.  At the time I first wrote about this, I had just heard the message from Mike Bickle entitled, “Forerunners with a Holy Violent Love.”  I had no idea that what the Lord had me doing all that time was not only restoring my health but was also a strategic form of spiritual warfare.  The benefits of this obedience combined with an ongoing desire to know the Lord more kept me going for all those years.  Since then, I have seen some of the most incredible answers to prayer.

It was all in His master plan for me.  He is always doing something incredible and it usually takes me years to figure out just what He is doing.  Looking back, the picture always comes together - eventually.  That is about the same time span as when the Lord uses the word, "Soon...".  Many of you know exactly what I mean!  Isn't it always through our rear-view mirror that we see things most clearly?  It's a good reason to keep our mouth shut in the midst of what we're going through.

Selah.

Hidden in Christ, even when we do not see it, He is ever training our hands for battle so that we can defeat our enemies.  as we decrease, He increases (John 3:30).  As we humble ourselves, He lifts us up (James 4:10).  When He rises up in us, our enemies are scattered (Psalm 68:1) and we truly walk with His authority (Luke 10:19).  Never again have I battled that spirit since that time in 1998.  He put a sword in my hand and it was that season at the Gilgal of my life (Joshua 5:9) that He truly removed the reproach of the spirit of death.

Truth Number Seven:

You Will Experience Revelation

Have you ever been in a Spirit-filled meeting where the glory of God entered the room and you were overcome with His presence and fell out on the floor in the Spirit? You lay there quiet and still and you begin to receive revelation from the Lord.  That is what is can be like when you are dead to your flesh.  You are comfortable in the presence of God.  You are filled with the high praises of God and the adoration that flows through worship and He is glad to send His glory wherever you are.  It does not have to be a church building experience.  He is everywhere.  The anointing can follow you around because you are not in the way.  Where the glory of the Lord is, there is revelation, “and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Corinthians 3:17).

In 1993, I was struggling with a decision I needed to make and the Lord shut my spiritual eyes and made me walk by my spiritual senses for months.  It is probably the hardest time I have had yet because the physical struggle was not as hard as the spiritual stretch.  I desperately wanted out of my circumstances.  I wanted to walk by faith and claim yet another miracle.  I was really into these miracles now.  But this time, I was not going to get my way and somehow I knew that and could not understand why.  I was not asking for something outside of His Word.  I just wanted more children.  You know, “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them” (Psalm 127:5).  Accepting these circumstances was killing me emotionally.  I would look to many people for counsel as to what I should do.  The odds were very stacked against me.  The risks I would take were deadly.  But, hey God is the sustainer of life.  I knew that.  To concede to what was the inevitable, I would forever give up the chance to bring more children into this world.  I was well accustomed to miracles and my faith was strong but somehow I felt like I was coming up against God and I did not understand how.

It was like being on trial.  I was my own attorney.  I was defending myself to the Lord.  I was reminding Him of His own Word.  I would plead with Him about why David and I should not have our heart’s desires.  During those silent months, it was like waiting for a jury who would decide my fate.  I had no say in the matter.  Finally, in September of that year once the verdict was in and I accepted the fact that I had lost the case, I went ahead and scheduled surgery for a hysterectomy.  I prayed about the time to do it and the Lord directed me to November.  So I scheduled it for November 4^th.

My heart was broken.  I grieved over the children I would never see.  Then, the closer the surgery came, actually within six days I had a strong sense that I was going to die again.  This knowing had come to me right before they induced my labor with Abbey.  At that time I tried to explain what I was feeling in my spirit, but no one would listen because nothing had been seen to prove what I felt.  So this time, I told no one.

I purchased two pear trees, one-hundred flower bulbs and a bird bath.  I went home and carved out a large clover-leaf shape in my front yard.  I planted those trees on either end and planted the flowers, then set the bird bath in the middle.  I thought, “Well, next spring when I am gone and these trees and flowers bud, they will have fond memories of me.”  I did not understand why I was going to die.  I had wrestled with the Lord so hard for my blessing.

The day of my surgery came.  I kissed my child goodbye and left her with my mother-in-law.  My family accompanied me to the hospital.  We spent a few hours together waiting for surgery.  When they took me into pre-op, they could hardly find a vein to put in my I.V.  We found out later that I was already in shock by that time.  They took me into surgery and opened me up to find that I had been bleeding internally for what they determined to be about five to six days.  After searching all over, they finally found that my right ovary had enlarged beyond the size of my uterus and had burst.  They took out my uterus and my right ovary.

When I was in recovery, I heard my doctor ask my family why they had not told him that I had been weak or in pain.  They told him all the work I had done that week and that I had not mentioned any weakness or pain.

Through all my struggle that year, I had received a life-saving revelation.  God has since ministered to me about having one child and I am at peace with it.  His ways are higher than mine (Isaiah 55:9).  I couldn’t see then what He was planning for us down the road and it wasn’t time for us to know.

After surgery, my mother-in-law ministered to me.  She said that this experience was my “Peniel” (Genesis 32).  She said, “Honey, you wrestled with the Lord, and now you’ll never be the same again.”  She was right.  Through it all, The Lord ministered to me so much.  I was convinced for the rest of my life I would have to trust Him and depend on Him.  I have learned how to trust His Sovereignty.

He could have healed me and if it had been His will I could have bore many more children.  But He had a higher plan and He confirmed His decision by having me in that surgical suite for more than one reason that day.  It was to once again save my life and bring Him glory!

God works in mysterious ways.  Our job is to trust Him and the revelations about our life that He gives.  And when we get to heaven, then we will know even as we are fully known (1 Corinthians 13:12).

Truth Number Six:

You’re Surrounded by Peace

There is absolutely no fear in the presence of God.  Reverence yes, but not fear.  Because He is perfect love and perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18).  And believe me, when you are dying, whether it be your fleshly nature or your physical body, guess who shows up to make the journey with you?  The Spirit of God who testifies of Jesus.  The embodiment of peace itself came into my experience.  When you are dying, you may not always be happy, but you will always have peace.

Truth Number Five:

The Word of God is Life Support

When you are dead to yourself and the Lord speaks to you, there is usually no problem hearing His voice.  If your flesh is dead, the ideas will be His and not your own.  Now that I am out of the way, how do I know what I am hearing is coming from God and not an enemy setup?  First of all, when our hearts are sold out to God and we are abiding with Him we need to trust in His ability to lead us more than Satan’s ability to trick us.  Is there a way we can prove that what we are hearing is from God?  Is there a sure-fire way to know?  Absolutely!  Check your Holy Spirit owner’s manual!  The Bible is the measuring stick for all truth.   God will never ask you to do anything that contradicts His Word.   Through prayer, the Lord will not only help you discern what to do, but when to do it.  God understands perfect timing very well.

The Word of God is our all-sufficient source for faith and conduct.  It is truly our life-support whether it is confirmation of an action we are about to take or the comfort we need to make it through a tough season.  The Word of God encourages, exhorts, rebukes, refreshes, revives and on and on (2 Timothy 3:16).  The Bible contains the Words of Life.  Psalm 107:20 says, “He sent forth His Word and healed them.”  Jesus is the healer and He is that Word sent to heal (John 1:14).  There is healing power in the spoken Word of God.  Meditating on it brings strength to our spirit, soul, and body.

During my seven-hour battle for my life when I was birthing my daughter, I started speaking out loud to the Lord.  I was exhausted. I had been suffering from pneumonia for a month prior to delivery, it was hard to breathe, and I had not eaten in three days.  I needed something strong to make up for my many weaknesses, so I began to encourage myself in the Lord.  I sang songs and I quoted Scriptures.  With all that singing, scriptures, and talking to Jesus out loud, I think the doctors must have thought I was slipping into that unexplainable realm where you start seeing angels.  They decided to take me to surgery to try something, anything to fix the problem.  Thankfully, my physician was a Spirit-filled Christian and he was praying. David was laying in the hallway praying in tongues to the top of his voice, my mom was by my side praying and my dad, David’s family and about twenty-six visitors were in the chapel praying.  I am sure they were busy reminding the Lord of His Word.

As I went to surgery, I just kept quoting scriptures to myself and asking the Lord for His grace to make it through.  I had prayed through to peace by that time.  I knew I was going to live.  The Word had already come to heal me.

Anytime I struggled physically beyond what I could handle, I have leaned on God’s Word.  I also pray in the Spirit.  I told David and my family, that [God forbid] if I ever were to be in that situation again, please come and read the Word over me or play the Bible on audio cassette for me.  “For the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy” (Revelation 19:10).  I’m thankful that the power of Jesus Christ, the Word of God, prophesied life to me.

When you are dead to the flesh, nothing else matters but the Word.  If I am hidden in Christ (Colossians 3:3) 

then I am hidden in the words of that Book.  My knowledge of it, understanding of it, and obedience to it are imperative for survival.

Truth Number Four:

No Human Effort is of Any Use and God Gets All the Glory

Paul said in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, “Most gladly, therefore, I would rather boast about my weaknesses that the power of God may dwell in me…because when I am weak, then I am strong.”  God’s power is perfected in our weakness.  In my experiences, there never seemed to be much any doctor could do.  It looked rather grave in every case.  It was either a freak accident, undetected, or unexplained.  In these kinds of situations, God is all you have got.  But let me tell you, He is all you need too!  Our God delights in impossible situations!  He heals, delivers, and fully restores.  You come out of the fire with no smell of smoke (Daniel 3:27).  The marks on your body is all that is left of what seems at times like a dream.  Looking back, you begin to wonder if it really happened at all.  That is how fully God restores.

When you’re dead to yourself, human effort is no longer an option.  You have to stay out of the way and let God be the Director.  The moment you rely on human effort, you’ve crawled off the altar.  You might not completely obey the Lord because of fear.  You may think that complete obedience might be misunderstood by someone else so you stop short of it somewhere or worse than that, never step out at all.  You may decide in your own wisdom to change the plan. Whatever happens, when we are not totally obedient to God’s plan, our own actions will be clearly short of what He intended to happen.  After the fact and perhaps much later, you will see it, you will repent and will have learned a valuable lesson.  God is so graceful to bring along another opportunity for training in obedience.  Do not hesitate too long however, because all of the acts of obedience that do not make sense now are just practice sessions for the one or many acts of obedience to come that may impact many lives for eternity!

Truth Number Three:

You Have Favor with God and Man

When you have cracked the shell of your outer man and the Spirit of God breaks forth from your inner man, people can see the righteousness of Christ.  Psalm 5:12 says, “For surely , O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.”  When a relative dies in your family, what do people normally do?  They usually offer to do something for you, don’t they?  When someone is slowly dying in your family, others want to help you anyway they can.  People respond to physical death in a benevolent way.

It is the same in the spiritual sense.  When you set your heart on dying to yourself, God moves on you to do certain things.  He shares the love that can only come from Him to others around you and it makes people want to be benevolent and helpful.  It is the most amazing thing, the supernatural favor of God.  It can even be favor with someone you do not know or with someone who wouldn’t be compliant with you for a million dollars unless the love of God touched them.

When I was in ICU in Bakersfield after my accident, I was in that room where there were several beds in a circle, just like covered wagons in the old days.  There were teenagers, other children besides myself, and an elderly man who had suffered a stroke or a heart attack.  He motioned for my dad one day and out of the blue asked Daddy if he could do anything for us.  He wanted to know if daddy wanted a job.  In fact, daddy did need a job! He lost his job the day I got hurt.  But he had already decided that he would move us back to Virginia as soon as I was able to travel.  

Daddy asked the man why he would make such a generous offer.  This is basically what he said, “I have been laying here for days.  I have heard these kids get out of control, moaning in pain, and some have been cursing.  But your daughter, who is in far worse shape than these, has not complained one time.  There is a peace about her and it has been an inspiration and an encouragement to me.  I just wanted to say thank you.”

Ironically, I do not even remember this man or the time I spent in the ICU.  I had absolutely nothing to do with it.  Jesus had filled my vessel and while He was ministering peace to me, He was also ministering peace through me to others.

I thank God for that horse named Rowdy who God used to show me how He can take what the enemy meant for harm and turn it around for my good in so many ways.  I could tell you so many things that God did for me as a result of that accident.  Never, ever despise the circumstances in which you may find yourself.  God knows where you are and no matter how you got there, He can use it for a greater purpose.  In Job 5:18, God’s servant said, “For He wounds, but He also binds up.”  And He has done that for me far beyond what I could ask or imagine.

Truth Number Two:

You Can Move into a Greater Realm of Faith

When you are not so focused on your frailties but rather on the One who can save you from those weaknesses, faith has room to grow and operate.  When you are dead to yourself, it becomes very easy to rely on God and His Word.   You want to hide it in your heart (Psalm 119:11) so that the Holy Spirit can quicken you as to what you should do when you need help or direction and when others need the same.  You fill yourself up with the promises of God because it is all you have to stand on (but it’s more than enough!)  It is what you believe.  It is all you believe.  It is the only rock you can grab onto when no one else can help.  If it was the only source in time of crisis then it is good for all times.

I had been taught from a small child that The Bible said that healing was for every believer. I saw many anointed with oil and healed as a result of the mercy of God and the prayer of faith (James 5:14-15).  But up until I was eight years old, I do not remember exercising the faith for it myself.

In June of 1971, when I was trampled by the horse, I had just been transferred from the Intensive Care Unit to a regular room of Bakersfield Memorial Hospital.  The physicians could only remove the crushed skull and clean the wound.  They gave my parents no hope of my survival, but assured them if I did survive that I would be a vegetable for the rest of my life.   Despite the bad report, I was just fine.  God had already touched me the day before at a Red Cross Post in Ridgecrest.  The nearest hospital that could handle my case was a three hour drive away and “Life Flight” wasn’t available there in those days.  But the Lord reached down in that Red Cross building and totally removed the bruising from my face (which was totally black) and I awakened from a coma and told my dad about the snake.  I believe with all my heart that prayer had already healed my brain, but I still had a crushed skull to be removed, matted hair to be shaved off, and a surgery still ahead.

Days after my surgery, I was being given shots for pain.  I remember I had little yellow stars all over the walls of my room for every time I got a shot without crying.  That day the nurse came in to give me my shot.  Before she could stick me, I spoke up and said very gently, “If you will just lay your hands on me and ask Jesus, He will take my pain away.”

The next day, that same nurse came up to my mom and asked to speak with her.  She told my mom that she wanted to ask her forgiveness.  Mom was baffled as to what the lady had done.  She told mom about what I had said the day before.  She said that she was a believer but was so overwhelmed at my request that she did not give the Lord a chance to work and that she had given me the shot instead.  The Lord dealt with her about her faith.

I never knew what the doctors knew.  I never knew I was supposed to die.  I did know that my head hurt really bad and I was bald as an onion.  That, to me was a desperate situation.  But what little bit of the Word of God that I had been taught coupled with what I had already seen God do in my eight years (which was a lot being raised in a church experiencing the renewal of the 60’s) I knew that Jesus was my only hope.

I remember to this day the presence of God that I felt.  As long as I could feel His presence, the whole five year ordeal stemming from that accident never touched my little spirit. A plate was wired into my head one year after the accident.  After that, I submitted to month after month of neurological testing, EEG’s, and everything else they could think of to try to prove that I could not escape the trauma without lasting complications.

I do not remember worrying about being normal.  God had healed me in that crude Red Cross room in the desert and I never doubted that He did.  He is so good!  The sign of my testimony that I carry to this day is a horse-shoe shaped scar on the right side of my head.  My hair never did grow back on that.  Every time I see it I’m reminded of the goodness of my God.

Truth Number One:

Things of the Earth Grow Strangely Dim

Most near death experiences produce a different outlook on life.  Mine was no exception.  My situation changed my focus altogether.  When we die to ourselves, our gaze is steadily focused on the One who holds our lives in His hands.  Does this mean that when we die to ourselves, we totally forget about the cares and concerns of our families and take up a life of poverty?  No.

There are many blessings promised to God’s people in His Word and I am all for receiving any and all that He has for me.  But the Word also talks about getting caught up in the cares of life, the deceitfulness of riches, and about laying aside every weight that hinders (Hebrews 12:1).  I believe we must live a strategic life before the Lord and if He so chooses and knows that we can be trusted with wealth and resources then He will surely funnel it into our hands for that purpose.  When a person goes after God with all their heart, God will let them know where to draw the line on material wealth as well as directing us about how the resource of time is best spent.

I firmly believe that one of the reasons God told us not to compare ourselves with one another is because our strengths and weaknesses are different.  What might not be a stumbling block for you may hinder my faith.  We are also at different steps on the path of eternity.  What I may have grace to walk in may not be where someone else is walking and to impose that responsibility (or conviction) on them at the wrong time could cause serious damage.  We each have a different call.  God may have placed me at a gate that is a city apart from your post.

When the Lord convicts me about something in my life, I cannot just go running over to my sister and exhort her to rid of the same things in her life to make me feel better.  We walk in the light as we receive the light and as we are graced to walk in it (John 1:7).  I am responsible to teach the truth, but God does the convicting and through revelation brings each of us to repentance and the changes that follow.

The cares of this world and worrying about finding a speck in my brother’s eye pales in comparison to daily soaking up as much of Jesus as I possibly can, allowing His love to fill me to overflowing so that my life will be a light to all who see Christ in me, the hope of glory! (Colossians 1:27).  Through my crucified life, His light will shine and the Holy Spirit will do the work necessary to those with whom I am blessed to meet each day.

DYING TO LIVE: INTRODUCTION

“They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death” (Revelation 12:11).

A tax collector was sitting in the marketplace, minding his business when all at once he feels the piercing gaze of someone standing nearby.  He looks up to see the most joyful, loving eyes.  As their eyes are fixed on one another for a moment, suddenly the stranger says, “Follow Me” (Matthew 9:9).  Knowing little about this unusual man, somehow Matthew knows he has been chosen.  He gets up and begins to follow the Master.His life is forever changed.

We are all the workmanship of God, made in His image.  We were created in Christ Jesus to do good works which He prepared in advance for us (Ephesians 2:10).  Everyone is called to do something in the Kingdom of God.  It may be to successfully raise children who may one day walk in the five-fold ministry or to successfully raise the dead.  The important thing is to realize we have been chosen.  Matthew was chosen.  We too have been chosen.  But are we inclined to seek the Lord to discover His purpose and mission for our lives?   One thing I personally have learned is that “you have not because you ask not” (James 4:2).

Salvation was the easy part.  Becoming Spirit-filled was not quite so hard either.  But sanctification is a process that goes on and on and the hardest of the three.  2 Timothy 2:20-21 says, “In a large house [the body of Christ; the House of God] there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay, some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble.  If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.”  Besides the enemy, who is a very real adversary, I have to deal with getting ME out of God’s way.  If I can keep Jesus Christ as my focus instead of me, I’ll do alright.

“Focus” is a tiny word that carries a great deal of weight.  Not surprising, the easier things to focus on in life seem to be the weights that hinder our Christian walk.  On the other hand, the harder focus is the sanctification process which should be an ongoing, intentional thing.  The Apostle Paul knew about this intentional process when he said in 1 Thessalonians 4:3, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified…” and also when he said in Romans 8:13, “…but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.”  That is sanctification.  It is the process of dying to temptations to the point that we eventually react to temptation the same way a corpse reacts to temptation—not at all.

When we received Christ, our lives ceased to belong to us.  1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?  You are not your own; you were bought at a price.  Therefore honor God with your body.”  As God’s possession, what kind of life does He desire for us to live?

Paul, again described it in Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”  The days we get caught up in the cares of life (Matthew 6:25), when we forget to put our armor on (Ephesians 6:11), when we do not take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5), or we get caught up in our own selfish desires (Romans 8:5); we miss the doors of opportunity the Lord has opened for us to minister to others.  Day after day of selfish pursuits continue and pretty soon we find ourselves drifting into exile while at the same time the Lord uses adverse circumstances to draw us back to Himself and His narrow path.  Why does He exert the effort?  One reason is that He loves our fellowship.  Our intimacy with Him is pleasing to our Creator.  The Father created us by His will and for His pleasure.  Revelation 4:11 says, “…for you have created all things, and by Your will they were created and have their being.”  Another reason is for the sake of the call.  You and I are “God’s workmanship [His treasured possession], created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which He prepared in advance for us to do” (Ephesians 2:10).  I’ve learned that when there is a call on your life, whether big or small, the Lord will chase you to your grave trying to fulfill it in you (Romans 11:29 KJV).  Certainly, you could turn your back on Him and never fulfill your calling.  Looking back over my own life, I can see the continual hand of the Lord keeping me and even preparing me, using the circumstances of a life gone off course to gently guide me to the path He had chosen for me.

The key is to seek God for the recognition of His call on our lives.  We must seek Him to reveal what His purpose and His destiny is for our lives and then begin to walk it out.  Then, we must submit to the conditions of the call.  This may be to study, whether it be to take correspondence courses or to go to Bible college.  It may be to submit to a mentor to receive training.  You may become a servant in your local church to learn that greatness comes through humility and an attitude of servitude.  Any or all of these possibilities will be a divine requirement of growth or surrender.

Finally, we must press forward in the call knowing fully that we are backed up by the sum of the attributes, glory and virtue of Jesus.  2 Peter 1:3-4 says, “As His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life an godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue, by which have been given to us exceedingly great and precious promises, that through these you may be partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.”  Jesus Christ offers Himself as the full and complete portion of the Church.  Therefore, we can hold onto the promises of God through Him (and only through Him) to fulfill the call of our destiny.

Let’s think, for a moment, about the average lifestyle of an American, pre-saved and saved alike.  BUSY!  That’s the typical scenario.  Then one day after they have not been feeling well, they go to the doctor and after running some tests, he informs them that they are terminally ill and they only have a few months to live.  All of a sudden, life is pulled out of the fast lane and their focus goes from this great expanse of activity down to this current situation that is about to change (or end) their whole life.  For the Christian, the focus shrinks down to our only HOPE—Jesus Christ.  Now the things of the earth begin to grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.  Glory, because that is where the healing is found.  Grace, because in this situation, we need all we can get.  In any struggle in which we find ourselves, 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

From that point on, days are spent focusing on important questions of life such like, “What will happen to my family when I am gone?”  “Will God heal me or will I leave this world?”  “Am I ready to meet the Lord?”  “Do I know Him like I have professed to know Him?”  The focus suddenly shifts from you to others and to God, who alone can do what medicine cannot.  Your relationship begins to grow as His power is perfected in your weakness.  All your thoughts begin to be focused on communion with Jesus.

Hold that picture in your mind.  What if you could live that way without physically dying?  Are there any parallels between what we might experience if we were physically dying and dying to our flesh to live that way?  What can near death experiences for the believer show us about being dead to the flesh and alive in Christ?

It was 1971.  My family was living in the Mojave Desert in Ridgecrest, California.  We had a ranch-style dream house with a stable in back where we helped care for the many horses boarded there.  It was my first day to ride by myself.  I was with my dad and two of his friends.  We rode out into the hot desert together.  Somehow, Dad and the others rode a little ahead of me as I was more comfortable with nice, slow walking.  Then, in a split second it seemed my horse wheeled around in the opposite direction and took off running as fast as he could possibly go.  (Turns out a snake had spooked him.)  I was not able to hold on and eventually fell under the horse and was trampled on the right side of my head.  My skull was crushed and his hoof went into my brain.   After an excruciatingly long time to get to the hospital, my parents were given the prognosis of my death.  But against all odds, by the power of Almighty God, after having my crushed skull removed I went home two weeks after the accident.  I received a new skull one year later and after five years of no seizures or neurological problems I was released with a clean bill of health!  Truly, the Lord He is God!

Twenty one years later, in 1992, I went into labor with my first and only child Abigail Grace.  Because of an unknown fibroid tumor sharing space with her in the womb, after she was delivered my entire reproductive system prolapsed and I nearly bled to death.  Once again, my life was hanging in the balance for several hours, but also once again God performed an undeniable miracle when there was absolutely no hope and I went home five days later with a perfectly healthy baby girl.

One year later, without any warning of pain or symptoms, I had an ovary burst and I bled internally for five days.  I just happened to have scheduled a surgery in September of that year for November 4^th.  I had a sense in my spirit that I was dying, but thought perhaps that it would happen during my surgery.  When they opened me up for surgery they found the bleeding and stopped it.  One more time the providential hand of God intervened and a virtual death sentence was commuted to a life sentence.

It was the early morning of January 20, 1997.  My city, (Murfreesboro, Tennessee) had just experienced three violent tornados ripping through several of our densely populated neighborhoods.  I had experienced a dream just weeks prior about appearing before the Judgment Seat of Christ and my life was on a large map.  The hand of the Lord pointed to a position on the map and said, “This is where you are.”  Then his finger slid down a ways and He said, “This is where you were supposed to be.”  That dream really bothered me.  I had been working long and hard in the ministry for many years and the Lord was always faithful to give me a measure of success.  What was it that I had missed?  I cried out to the Lord after the dream and begged Him to tell me why I had experienced nearly dying so many times and yet had been obviously spared by a miracle every time (I had two prior experiences before I was eight as well).  I desperately wanted to know.

That morning, I was sleeping on the sofa at my parents’ house.  Our family had spent the night there just in case another storm came.  David and Abbey were in a back bedroom.  I wanted to stay in the living room and pray.  It was about 2:00 a.m. and I was in a light sleep when suddenly the television came on and went off again.  Thinking that the Lord was warning me to look for a weather update, I turned the television on and flipped through the channels expecting to see the warning.  When I found nothing and everything outside seemed to be calm, I flipped to Trinity Broadcasting Network.  Betty Maltz was the guest that morning.  She was telling about a book she had written years ago about her death experience and how the Lord sent her back.  She testified that when she asked the Lord why He let her die and then sent her back, His reply was, “I allowed you to know what it was like to die so that you would learn how to live.”  When she made that statement the Holy Spirit spoke to me so clearly and said, “Monica, I allowed you to experience what it was like to die so that you would know how to live and so that you might teach others.”

I was never pronounced dead.  I never had an out-of-body experience.  I can best describe my experiences as being picked up by a huge hand and suspended over death like a canyon and just held there until the miracles, the ministry, and the healing was complete. Looking back, the Lord showed me some things that happened in each experience that parallel what powerful ministry could be like if I could just die to myself and walk in the power of the Spirit.  The Lord showed me that in my entire life, more miracles were released in my death than in my life.  He accomplished more in my helpless states than in all my ministry experiences up to that time.

In the next few blogs, I want to show you nine simple truths that the Lord showed me while taking me back through my experiences after that night.  These are what you can experience when you are dead to yourself.

(Read in Dying to Live: Truth Number One)