Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of
those who love Him, who are the called according to His purpose.”
I truly believe that even what the
enemy means for our harm, the Lord will turn around for our good because He is
fashioning our lives for a purpose. Even
when we are disobedient, God is so resourceful, He will use even those times as
an illustration of how much we need to turn to Him, to lean upon Him, to run to
Him, and to listen to Him.
The Apostle Paul addressed the
Corinthian church in his first letter to them concerning a man in the church
who was having an affair with his “father’s wife”, perhaps his mother or a
step-mother (1 Cor. 5:1). Paul’s
instructed the church to put the man out
of the church and “hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may
be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord” (v. 5). Paul
knew that if this young man suffered the consequences of his sin, that he would
look upward to God and cry out for mercy.
And by 2 Corinthians, chapter 2, he had done that. Paul then encouraged the church to take him
back in and restore him.
Sometimes we sin because we want to
– we are drawn away by our own unbridled lust.
Other times we sin because we want or feel that we need to self-medicate
in order to deal with the sorrow, suffering, painful memories, and trials that
life can bring. Both can open doors to
the enemy but even if that happens, once we are convicted or once we hurt bad
enough to lift up our eyes to where our true source of help comes from and
repent, He is there to pick us up, dust us off, and embrace us.
2 Timothy 2:20-26 so accurately
describes believers in the house of God (“in a large house there are articles
of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay…” v. 20). Some of them are free and useful to the Lord
(gold and silver); others are struggling with disobedience, they are not free,
and they are not yet as useful as they are supposed to be in the Kingdom (wood
and clay). When we sin, we open a door
to the enemy to take our will captive and do his work through us, enslaving us,
stealing from us (verse 26).
But the wonderful news is that throughout
all of our experiences, nothing can separate us from the love of God, “…neither
angels, nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither
height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate
us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38).
We choose to be disobedient when we
want our own way. How many of you have
ever done that? No one perfects this art
better than an only child. Sometimes I
think that is one of the reasons God chose my life to be such an illustrated
sermon. There are so many great examples
of “self” to use. (And then He GAVE me
an only child and wouldn’t even let me adopt!
What a way to fashion one’s prayer life – but I am thankful for how she has
turned out. And she has turned out well
in spite of me! Where I fall short, because
her heart has belonged to Jesus for some time now, He is so good at stepping in
with the loving conviction she needs.)
We choose to be disobedient--
whether it’s because we lust for something we shouldn’t have or we get in a
bind and we just cannot seem to trust God so we try to bail ourselves out, or whatever. The enemy knows this so he just tracks along
with us and through that open door of disobedience, he can attack us.
So in my minds eye, I see this
whole scenario played out. The devil
watches for the open door in our life, then he goes before God (who he is
subject to - Jesus said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given
to me” – Matthew 28:18) and he says something like, “You know I have the right
to attack them.” God says, “Yeah, I
know.” “And I’m going to do it.” God says, “Yeah, I know.” “So I’m going to do that now. Come on boys, let’s go get them.” God says, “Okay.” After the enemy leaves the presence of God, I
can see Him calling the angels over and saying, “Watch what I do with
this.” God is so in control of
things. We don’t always understand the
outcome on our end, but He knows what He’s doing and He’s got things under
control.
That’s why it’s so beneficial for
us to let go of control. “Let go of
control? Are you crazy?” Yeah, usually folks think they’ve already done
it or they shudder at the thought of ever doing it. I was one who kept thinking that I had
mastered it.
In 1998, and some of you were
there; while attending Family Worship Center there was a series of meetings
going on while I was out of town doing missions training. The meetings were held over because the Lord
was moving in such a powerful way. Joey
Hipp was the speaker. It was an unusual
time for us because we had never had a prophetic person come to FWC in all my
years there. Joey was a country boy from
LA (lower Alabama). He had great wit when he spoke. He told of how he was on a missions trip one
time. His partner was pastor Hiney. Everyone would say, “Here comes Hipp and
Hiney!” I thought it was funny.
Anyway, a few days after I returned
from the missions training, I held a prayer meeting in my home early in the day
before service. I distinctly remember
telling the women who had gathered there that I was frustrated that things were
not progressing in our city as I had thought they would. I wanted to see an acceleration. I was hungry for a move of God. We had our prayer meeting and everyone went
home to get ready for service that night.
I came into service. Joey Hipp preached a fine message. Then he gave an alter call for a time to seek
the Lord. I went to the back corner of
the room next to an exit door and knelt down to pray. I was so hungry, so broken. I had just returned from seeing a city that
had been transformed by the united prayer and cooperation of city pastors. Miracles, signs, and wonders had become a daily
occurrence. I had gathered with around
4000 other pastors, intercessors, and missionaries to train for
city-reaching. It was glorious. When I got home, all I could think of was
seeing that happen in Murfreesboro. So I was crying out to God that night. “How can this happen for us Lord? When will it happen? I know You don’t love them any more than you
love us. I know You have a purpose for
our city too. I want to see it
happen. You’ve shown me things in the
spirit, now I want to see them come to pass in our town. How long O Lord?” How many of you have ever prayed, “How long O
Lord?”
Soon, I heard some stirring on the
rostrum. Joey Hipp had taken a
microphone and he was trying to get someone to, “get that lady in the black
sweater to come up here…no not that one, THAT lady, the one hiding in the
back.” So someone broke into my
passionate diatribe and said, “Brother Hipp wants you to come up to the
front.” I was a bit nervous I
recall. Soundmen had a fresh audio tape
running so that I could remember what was about to be said…(I thought that was
cool…had never heard of such a thing done before but I thought it was smart
thinking. Today I have a whole box of them!)
I came
forward and he began to speak. He said,
“The Lord loves you very, very much. His hand is on you. He has a calling on your life. You’ve been tired. You’ve been zapped of strength and
energy. You’ve been weary. You’ve been frustrated because things have
not gone according to plan or things have not accelerated. I hear the word “accelerated” like you wanted
them to go…” At that moment, on the tape you can hear the women
who had just been in my living room gasp because the Lord had just given him my
very words from that afternoon. It got
my attention too. I guess it was so that
I would know for sure that God was speaking and not this funny preacher.
He continued, “And you’re in the kitchen like Martha. You’re laboring and laboring and laboring and
laboring. And sometimes you just run on
fumes when the gas tank is empty; fumes just keeping you afloat and keeping you
going because you desire to see things happen—to see things happen. You’re
running and here and running there trying to get information here, trying to
get answers there because you want things to turn and things to happen.
The
Lord says to tell you, the desires of your heart; they are closer than you
think. You’re not going to have to work
for them. You’re not going to have to
drum it up or fix it up and get it all pumped up. For the Lord said to tell you it’s going to
be a lot easier than what you think.
It’s like you’re a mule and you’ve been pulling this cart and you’ve
been pulling the plow. You’re pulling
and you’re pulling and you’re saying, 'Lord I’m tired of pulling and trying to
make it happen.'
Tonight,
you’re going to come out of the kitchen.
You’re going to sit at His feet and you’re not going to be a Martha,
you’re going to be a Mary. And you’re
just going to sit in His presence because there are some things He’s going to
do in you that is preparation for the future.
There are some things He’s going to do in you that is preparation for
what’s ahead. Oh, there are some things
He’s doing in you for that destiny that God’s appointed you to. For there is a work that He has called you to
and it’s not a work of man, it’s not a work of the flesh, it is a work from the
Lord.
And
the Lord said to tell you that as you rest in His promises and as you rest in
His arms and rest in His goodness; His love is going to wrap around you and
it’s going to be like strength. I see
IV’s going into your arm and infusing you with nutrients throughout your
body. God said there is going to be a
Holy Ghost IV and it’s going to go through you and infuse you with the strength
from on High; the strength from the top of your head to the soles of your feet
to the tips of your fingers. It’s going
to flow through you like a river and God said He’s going to begin to increase
vision in your life. He’s going to begin
to increase some things in your life in the Name of Jesus. He’s given you the heart of a servant,
hallelujah, but that heart is going to increase in the things of the Lord—in
the things of the Lord. You’re not going
to be frustrated because things are not going according to plan. You’re going to back up and say, 'Lord, this
is Your work. This is Your plan. This is Your ministry. This is Yours Lord. I’m working for You Lord. All I am, Lord, is a steward over what you’ve
placed before me. So Lord it all belongs
to you.'
And God says as you do that and as
you back up and He steps forward and He takes the reigns and He takes
control—all of a sudden things you wanted to see accelerated and never did
happen, God says that they are going to begin and time will begin to
increase. The acceleration of time is
going to begin to go forward and God said that things that would normally have
taken years are going to take months.
Things that would have taken months are going to turn into weeks. Weeks are going to turn into days; days into
hours, hours into seconds, and seconds into moments. And God said that things are going to speed
up in this last day as you begin to find your place in His presence, in Him.
God said to tell you He’s going to
turn your world upside down. I see a
whirlwind. God says He’s going to make
you in a whirlwind. You’re going to be
so caught in the whirlwind. Things are
going to be happening, prayers are going to be answered, things are going to
begin to go forth so fast, God said that it’s going to blow your mind. You’re not going to be able to understand
it. You’re not going to be able to
figure it out. You’re not even going to
be able to answer when people ask you, “How did it happen?”…For people are
going to come to you instead of you running to them seeking answers on this
ministry and that. God said, “They’re
going to come to you and say, “How on earth did this happen?” And you’re going
to say, “I don’t know. I’ve just been in
His presence. And all I know is that I
let go and He took control.”
I spent the next several years in
the presence of God, learning from Him, being touched by Him, receiving
deliverance from Him, seeing Him as my Father, understanding His goodness and
love, and so much more. Time in His
presence brings anything and everything you ever need. It can save you from the need of a healing
line, from a counseling session; it gives you opportunities to resolve the
past. I can see now why He is so adamant
about an intimate relationship.
Everything we need is found in Him.
But I was still this kid who wanted
to run. I wanted to do things for
God. I wanted to do things with
God. Anything He showed me, I wanted to
be a part of it, right in the middle of it.
If He said He wanted something, I was determined that He would have
it. It had to have been how King David
felt about building God a house. I did
start praying with pastors in the city – just like I was taught to do. I trained to launch a House of Prayer and I
almost did. You see, even when you feel like you’ve let go of control of your
life of sin, you can still exert control of your life in the Spirit. You can control your ministry instead of
allowing God to lead you. We’re so afraid
we’re going to miss something, or at least I was. Or we structure our ministry based on circumstances,
needs, people’s frustrations and opinions; we can be influenced to make
decisions about our life and ministry based on so many earthly promptings. God opened doors for me. He gave me the desires of my heart, even if
only to show me that what I wanted was not always necessarily what He wanted,
the way He wanted, or the timing of what He wanted.
Time went by and year after year,
lesson after lesson, I always believed that I mastered the “letting go of
control” thing. But as I’d go to this
conference or that one, this service or that one; I kept getting prophetic
words that always started with something like this, “I see you in a car and the
Lord says, ‘Will you let me drive?’” OR “I see you in a car and you’re on a
race track going really fast, but the Lord is in a car behind you saying, ‘Will
you let me lead?’” I got to where I
wanted to slap the person giving the word.
I really did. You know it’s easy
to get your eyes off the fact that it’s God giving the message and just look at
the person doing the prophetic ministry when it’s not what you want to hear
(and of course, there is a margin of error also; but that wasn’t the case). I was beginning to wonder if there was a
conspiracy against me. Oh how earthbound
we get sometimes. Then I’d get a grip
and realize that this was not coming from man at all--it was coming from this
awesome, wonderful, powerful God who knew me better than I knew myself. I wanted to fall in the floor, not from the
anointing, mind you. I wanted to fall on
the floor and kick and scream and say, “Why Lord? When Lord?
When am I ever going to nail this?”
More time passed. It was now 2007. I was still in the ministry, but there is no
House of Prayer. I am not praying with city
pastors anymore. I don’t have any idea
what is going on “out there” in my city.
I have been busy ministering in a local church with my husband as well
as doing administration for another church in town. I feel so far away from where I was. In the process of doing things, and at this time, I am no where
near where I wanted to be. In my heart,
I am still not at rest.
God had, years earlier, called me
to a fasted lifestyle. I had let that
fall by the wayside. In my
discontentment, I put on 50 pounds. God
was blessing what I was doing in the local church as well as the goings on in
my home. But there was something
beginning to stir on the inside. God was
waking up parts of me that fallen asleep. I had grieved the death of so many
dreams by that time that I had to allow things to just go dormant inside of me
to keep from feeling the pain. I had
thrown myself into other ministry and it was very fruitful and most enjoyable. I had a heart to win the lost. I still had a heart to disciple. I had been faithful in the work of
deliverance and inner healing. God had
done great things. But something inside
of me inside of me was numb. But it was
beginning to grow restless and I didn’t know what to do with it.
So one day I re-read that
prophecy. I had read it often, but after
so much rebuke about giving up control, I got to where it aggravated me. I had put it away for a bit. But God led me to take another look. And as I did, I began to pray, “Lord, it has
become apparent to me that I do not have a clue what ‘out of control’ even
looks like. I must not because every
time I think I’m there, I’m still driving this same stupid car – whatever that
is. I guess You’re just going to have to
show me.”
I shared what I had prayed with my
church staff and they said, “Are you crazy?
That’s a really dangerous prayer to pray.” I told them I didn’t care any more. Something in me was desperate to know what He
meant. This control thing was not only
holding me back, it was holding back something I really wanted to see God do
for my city (which really didn’t grip my heart like it used to, but the
principle was right). So I persisted
with my prayer. I figured if I had
already journeyed to the point of death and back all those times, what did I
have to lose? I’d rather die trying to
get this, than live without knowing the point He was trying to get across to
me.”
As the days passed, He was trying
to do a work in me and I wasn’t rolling with the transformation very well. He was trying to awaken the obedience in me
that I had once walked in (with joy I might add). It just wasn’t surfacing. I began to get nervous. My stomach began to hurt all the time. Something was coming. Something was about to happen. I could feel it approaching. I always knew when I was dying before I ever
experienced one symptom (and sometimes I never had symptoms, it just came out of
nowhere). This wasn’t death, but
something was about to happen. I felt
like what a moth might feel like inside a cocoon, struggling to break free into
a beautiful butterfly.
One day I panicked and I left work
early to go to the doctor. As I gathered
my things to leave, I could feel the tugging of the Holy Spirit giving me a
warning to not go. “Trust me” I vaguely
heard. But I did not heed the
warning. I went to the doctor and I told
him my stomach was hurting. So he
prescribed Nexium for me. It wasn’t a
devious thing to do; with my symptoms it would have been my suggestion if I had
been in his shoes that day. I had taken
Nexium before, no big deal. Ahh…the
little purple pill, just what I needed.
That would make it all better, make this aching in my stomach go
away. Bye, bye pain, hello peace.
On the way home, I went to the
chiropractor to get an adjustment, some electric stimulation. And then I got a massage. From there I went to the reflexologist and
got my feet worked on. From there I went and
picked up my little purple friends. I
was feeling very good about my evening.
I had been cracked, zapped, stretched out, tension released and now I
was going to say goodbye to my stomach pain.
So I ate some dinner and took my little purple pill.
About 2 hours later, I was sitting
on the chair in my living room watching my daughter show me dance she had seen
on television. Suddenly, there were two
of her dancing. Then there were four of
her. I squeamishly called out, “Dave. David.
Hey David I don’t feel so good…Somebody help me!” I was able to tell them that I couldn’t see
straight and then I lost control of my speech and my left side. So they are now holding me up. David is saying, “Lets just get her to the
bedroom so she can lay down.” So they
drag me to the bedroom because I can barely walk. David says, “Do you want to lay down honey?”
I am saying, “No, no, no, no” but nothing is coming out of my mouth. To me I am screaming, but nothing is coming
out of my mouth but drool. So he tells
Abbey to just lay me on the bed. Then she
wisely says, “Daddy, I don’t think we need to lay her down. I think she needs to go to the emergency
room.” I was shouting, “Yes, yes, yes,
yes!” but again, nothing is coming out.
So they got me to the car. David drove.
Abbey sat behind me in the back seat.
While David drove, she laid hands on me and began to rebuke the enemy of
sickness and disease from my life and body.
By the time I got to the Emergency Room, I could no longer hold myself
up from the waist up. So they put me in
a wheel chair and I slumped down between my knees. They wheeled me into the intake room where
they asked all the preliminary questions to get me a room.
On the way to the room, as I was
slumped down between my knees, I saw the Lord pop his head up facing mine. In my mind I said, “Where have you
been?” He said, “Everything is
fine. You’re going to be okay.” Then I couldn’t see Him anymore, but I knew
He was there.
I got to my room and little by
little my speech began to return also slurred at first. My mobility also came back. They hooked me up to a heart monitor, which
registered normal. They looked at my
carotid arteries, no blockage. They ran
a CT on my head (freaked out over the plate, wires, and screws – different
story). I assured them everything was
fine up there. They ran tests on my
blood – no problem. Hour after hour, my
movements and speech got better and better.
Finally, after all was back to normal, they came in and said, “Well, we
cannot find anything wrong with you at all.
We think you have a neurological problem and want you to see this
Neurologist next week.” I said, “Okay” –
(NOT!). I said, “What about the Nexium I
took?” They said, “That’s not what did
this.” I said, “Uh huh.” I walked out around 2 am much different than
I came in. Nurses and techs were staring
at me with bizarre looks. I just waved
and walked on in my hot pink PJ’s.
It took me about 2 days to really
feel back to full strength again. Other
than that, I was fine. I looked up the
Nexium website and searched through pages and pages of medical jargon. Finally, around page 67, I found, “Some
post-research data has concluded that in rare occasions, persons have suffered
from Central Nervous System shutdown leading to death.” HELLO!
(Note: I also discovered that when your body is not
in proper alignment – your spinal energy flow to your vital organs is disrupted
- that you only absorb a percentage of the benefit of your food, medicine,
etc. My chiropractor’s determined that
because I had an adjustment, electrical stimulation, massage, and reflexology
right before I took the Nexium, that my body was getting the full impact of the
drug, even though I had taken it before without the ill effects. Good to know. God took my disobedience and something bad and used it to give me an illustrated sermon; to paint me a picture. He loves us enough to do that, you know? Although in hindsight, I can think of easier ways to get the message...)
As I spent some time with the Lord
about it, I confessed that I felt the conviction to not go to the doctor and I
repented for my disobedience. He said,
“By the way…that’s what out of control is like – totally dependent on Me.” I said, “Lord that’s an expensive
illustration! I haven’t met my deductible
yet.” But a week or so later, I got a
letter from my insurance company saying that they covered all of my fees -- the
ER, physicians, tests, and labs. My
insurance didn’t cover ER visits! I’m
telling you God works miracle on our behalf!
To say the least, I got the
message. Out of control is not
comfortable to the flesh. However, when
you’re there, you are safe in the arms of the Lord and He covers your health,
your peace, not to mention your expenses at times.
Immediately following that experience,
He had to deal with my hesitation to re-start some conditional agreements we
had previously made to my lifestyle.
This was a precursor to restoring some dreams my heart had to let go of
in the past out of self-preservation. The
restoration of everything had to do be according to His terms and not my own
ambitions. He wanted to restore what He wanted to restore without giving me
back things that were never meant to be in the first place.
Over the next several months that
followed that experience, I had to walk through a terribly dark season, one of
great testing. I don’t know if I can
ever write of those details; as they involve other people as well as myself. Some things are better left unsaid to allow everyone
the gift of moving on. Suffice it to
say, in all of the pain, God was in the details. You couldn’t see it until you looked through
the rear view mirror, of course; but isn’t that sometimes how life is? The immediate pain keeps you from perceiving
how much God is in the mix--how He uses this one or that one to say this thing
or to withhold something you need in order to motivate you to take steps that
you would not ordinarily take on your own initiative, even if you know it’s the
right thing to do at the time. Sometimes
it’s not about decisions you have to make anyway, but God uses the
circumstances of your life to become the motivation for others to make
decisions God wants them to make, thus finally releasing you to a greater
potential as well. God is so wise. He doesn’t miss a thing. It’s in times like these that we come to a
greater understanding of Divine perspective.
He certainly sees from a higher place than I. If I didn’t trust Him and depend on Him, I
couldn’t get to where I am going – and where I am going is still a
mystery. He knows better than to give me
those details. But hey, I’m not in control anyway!
“All things work together for the
good of them that love the Lord and are the called according to His purpose” Why?
“Because those He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the
likeness of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers”
(Romans 8:28-29).
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